Tweets I would Tweet, if I Tweeted

Saw a sign outside a New Age store advertising a Psychic Fair on April 30th . . . shouldn't they already know?

I pulled into the parking lot of my local bank, where one other car was parked.  Four more were waiting in the drive-through line.  Explain.

When people say "God dang it" instead of saying "God damn it," do they realize they are still taking the Lord's name in vain?  'Damn' itself is not blasphemous.

It's not Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday, because he's dead.  There is no fucking Reagan Centennial.

I am officially over the whole Zombie craze.

Can you spot the problem with the following book title?  Christianity - The First 3000 Years.  (Hint: think about what A.D. stands for).  Yeah.

Memo to Miller Lite: coming up with a new slogan and/or gimmick every three months will not change your fizzy yellow swill into beer.  At least Budweiser knows this much.

"3 Teenagers shot and killed in murder near Mexico border."  This was an actual headline on The O'Reilly Factor.  Seriously?  "Killed in murder"?  Brilliant copy-editing.  I guess the mysterious 'O'Reilly factor' must be a 43rd chromosome.

Miley Cyrus's father, Achey Breaky Billy Ray Cyrus, admitted that he is a poor parent whose "management" of his impressionable daughter's career ruined their family.  Yeah, and Elton John just might be gay.