“Easy Highway Access!” – It's beneath an overpass.
“Large 2-Story in [Notoriously seedy neighborhood]” – We have no hope of renting this place, so we might as well be upfront about it. Seriously, we may as well say, “Ghetto-ass place for rent.”
Any actual image of the place would scare away prospective renters, so we have resorted to cheap computer-generated imagery.
“Available NOW! Move in THIS WEEK!” – Someone needs an alibi.
“Wood cabinets” – As opposed to . . . Styrofoam?
“Close to hospital” – In case you were planning on frequently injuring yourself. Also, fall asleep to the gentle wail of sirens every night.
“Quiet country living” – Cows included.
“Commodious” – Landlord went to college or owns a thesaurus.
“Takin applations” – As opposed to this landlord.
“VERY LARGE SPACIOUS HOUSE, BEAUTIFUL INSIDE!” – CAPS LOCK STUCK ON.
“Safe, friendly neighborhood” – White women feel comfortable jogging here.
“Historic home” – Murderer and/or mad black magician lived here. Restless spirits assumed to still inhabit either way.
“Spectacular home for $435 per month!” – I don't understand the meaning of the word “spectacular.”
“Double-wide minutes from downtown” – Because there are totally trailer parks in the city limits.
“Safe, friendly neighborhood” – White women feel comfortable jogging here.
“Historic home” – Murderer and/or mad black magician lived here. Restless spirits assumed to still inhabit either way.
“Spectacular home for $435 per month!” – I don't understand the meaning of the word “spectacular.”
“Double-wide minutes from downtown” – Because there are totally trailer parks in the city limits.
“Minutes from” anywhere – We never said how many.
“Handy man special” – Roof not included.
The fish-eye lens: popular amongst incompetent photographers and deceptive slumlords.
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